Days Go By...

Shock, pain, emotional distress,
This happens to other people,
to other families, not ours….

Reality sets in,
Hate, dispair, and anger take over,
How could this happen, why did this happen?

Days go by,
Acceptance and strength are surfacing,
Drive and determination take over…

Passing along what we have learned becomes important,
It becomes the focus of each day,
To help others through where we have been…

We made it as the days have gone by,
As the years have gone by, we made it,
It’s forever with us, but it is now strength…

Days go by and it no longer rules,
We rule, we have taken our lives back,
A lot has changed as days go by…..

You took enough, you get no more…
Our lives are different, but our lives are good,
We took our lives back as days go by….

Now our purpose is to help others take theirs back,
You took enough, you get no more,
We are getting stronger as days go by…..

Our voices are coming together as one,
Can you hear us? You will,
As days go by….

Our voice is becoming stronger,
Louder, as days go by,
Our voice is to be heard….

The fear is gone,
We stand as one, strong and unwavering,
We are firm on our feet….

We are one voice, one voice that will no longer be silenced,
One voice that becomes stronger and louder,
As days go by……..

Cathy Parsons Gipson

Rihanna showing courage and poise as she tells her story

November 6, 2009

loveisrespect.org

National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline

We are seeing a third media frenzy over the Chris Brown and Rihanna story. This time, the world is seeing a poised and courageous Rihanna talk about a very confusing and painful time in her life. She is still trying to sort it out for herself.

One thing she has realized is that young girls are watching her and taking her actions seriously. In the Good Morning America interview, she said she could not take that “lightly.”

You may have noticed that some stories refer to her story as domestic violence and others as dating violence. It doesn’t really matter what you call it. Rihanna was hurt by a man who said he loved her. It was not her fault. It was his choice.

We will continue to see more of this story in the news as we all try to understand how this could have happened. It is a good discussion to have. Thank you, Rihanna for your willingness to share with us.

November 7, 2009

“Dating Violence is Preventable”

Posted: 04:29 PM ET

By Sheryl Cates
CEO, The Hotline and loveisrespect

Rihanna has shown tremendous courage in speaking out, and telling her story WILL SAVE LIVES.

As a celebrity who is admired by millions of young women around the world, Rihanna has the ability to capture the attention of the nation and inspire others to leave an abusive relationship before it is too late. She has chosen to speak out to ensure that young women going through similar situations will see that this is a serious issue and they need to take action. Her voice will give courage to women who are suffering in silence to speak out and take action.

I’ve been asked why Rihanna should feel embarrassed and ashamed and maybe even guilty, but these feelings are characteristic of what happens when violence takes place in an intimate relationship. You love this person and he hurt you. It still doesn’t mean that it is your fault. The violence was a choice that the abuser made.

Rihanna’s experience illustrates the need for education in schools. Dating violence is preventable. It is not an accident.

I encourage anyone who is in an abusive relationship to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224. You can also visit www.thehotline.org for information. We are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to help victims of domestic violence.

If you are a teen, sign on for a live chat with a peer advocate at www.loveisrespect.org or call us at 1-866-331-9474.

Call us. We are here to help 24 hours a day.

Rihanna Breaks Her Silence on Chris Brown Saga

oneindia

Wednesday, November 4, 2009, 12:39

Washington, (ANI): Rihanna wants to turn things around after the infamous domestic violence incident involving former boyfriend Chris Brown and shed some light on the reality of domestic violence. The ‘Umbrella’ singer’s ex-beau Brown, 20, assaulted her before the Grammy Awards kicked off in Los Angeles. But now the stunning pop singer is embracing change.

Named with four others "Woman of the Year" by Glamour, the 21-year-old Barbadian singer has said that despite the shame owing to the media frenzy over the incident, she wants to use her experience to make young women aware of the "big secret" about abusive relationships.

"Teenage girls can''t tell their parents that their boyfriend beats them up...It''s one of the things we (women) hide because it''s embarrassing," CBS News quoted Rihanna as saying. "I want to give as much insight as I can to young women because I feel like I represent a voice that isn''t really heard. Now I can help speak for those women,” she added.

I post the articles above and below with pending questions as well as concerns.

Since Rihanna's assault became public many felt that she had every opportunity to be a voice for victims of domestic violence if she would have only pressed charges instead of going into hiding. The impact of her voice would have been a loud message to all, "I DO NOT AND WILL NOT TOLERATE ABUSE". This did not happen. Many were disappointed to see/read/hear that she did not come forward, press charges and then explored rekindling a relationship with Chris. But then again, this is a very common saga/cycle. The vicious cycle of domestic violence:

This assault brought national and international attention to domestic violence and abuse but was not the first time between Chris Brown and Rihanna.

We've witness Chris Brown trying to salvage his career on national television and in interviews. Now Rihanna comes forward.

What are the guidelines for picking "Woman/Women of the Year" awards given by Glamour? Glamour choose five women for 2009, Rihanna, Maria Shriver, Michelle Obama, Amy Poehler and Serena. "They've got strength, talent, altruism, humor, and intellect in spades--and did we mention incredible style, to boot?" stated on Glamour's website.

I pray that Rihanna has come to her decision on her own accord to speak out and not pressured by her award by Glamour nor others (agents and camp). I pray that this is NOT a ploy to salvage her career but rather be a voice and Advocate for victims of Domestic Violence. However, Rihanna is still healing as the transition from victim to survivor takes time and everyone heals in their own time. We all know the impact that Rihanna can/will have on her fans (especially our young people) regarding domestic violence - a considerable impact of awareness only if for the "right" reasons.

However, the mixed signals that were sent to all and now again can be damaging in many ways. Rihanna definitely has our attention and we are waiting to hear from her lips to our ears what her intentions are. Any person of fame that advocates for a cause has to be willing to step up and be ready and able to be in the spotlight of their cause. How will Rihanna handle her role?

Time will tell.

Rihanna Breaks Her Silence on Chris Brown Saga

Rihanna Tells Diane Sawyer: 'This Happened to Me ... It Can Happen to Anyone'

By LAUREN SHER and SHEILA MARIKAR

Nov. 4, 2009

After months of silence, pop sensation Rihanna is talking publicly about her relationship with her ex-boyfriend, Chris Brown, and the February 2009 events that led to his arrest.

For the first time, Rihanna tells her story. Thursday on GMA, Friday on 20/20.

"The more in love we became, the more dangerous we became for each other," she told ABC News' Diane Sawyer in an exclusive interview set to air on "Good Morning America" at 7am ET Thursday, Nov. 5. Their full interview will air on "20/20" at 10p E.T. Friday, Nov. 6.

In August, Brown was sentenced to five years of probation, six months of community service and one year of domestic violence counseling for assaulting the 21-year-old pop singer the night before the Grammy Awards.

"This happened to me ... it can happen to anyone," Rihanna told Sawyer in the "20/20" interview, which will also be seen on "GMA."

Rihanna told Sawyer that Brown was "definitely my first big love" before the dramatic incident, which resulted in the tabloids tearing apart the couple's seemingly fairy tale relationship.

Brown Plea Deal - MIXED SIGNALS TO ALL

Chris Brown strikes a plea deal in assault case.
Singer will ONLY do 180 days of community service in Virginia, judge issued order for Brown to stay away from Rihanna.

This case has drawn so much (positive and negative) attention to the issue of domestic violence. Unfortunately the case, from the beginning has sent many "mixed signals" to the entire world. And, now thanks to Judge Patrica Schnegg by sentencing Brown with only a slap on the hand sends a loud and clear message to all victims which has much negative impact.

The "mixed signals" have affected victims, batterers/assailants, our youth and communities as a whole.

"Mixed signals" to Victims:
Many victims are thinking/feeling "why bother?"; nothing will happen or be done to my batterer/assailant. Victims around the country are wondering and fearing that there isn't any hope nor have confidence in our judicial system. The Court system clearly has failed the magnitude of this assault case in which the book should have been thrown at this man. For God's sake......did he have to kill her for the court system to act responsibly? He pleaded guilty to the brutal beating, threatening to kill Rihanna and much more (felony counts). "He was a first offender, the jails are overcroweded........rehab wasn't ordered. Oh but wait.......rehab doesn't work if it is ordered because the healing and recovery must come from within. Will he ever be ready and willing to "heal from within"?

However, on the flip side......Rihanna did not demonstrate her hurt, anger or fear, Rihanna elected to be quiet about the abuse (this brutal beating wasn't the first, abuse starts long before the punch/slap/push) - did she think that he would change? Did she think that she could change him? Did/does she feel that she did anything to deserve such abuse? If he hits you once............HE WILL HIT YOU AGAIN! THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE! No one ever deserves to be abused or victimized in any manner. As Advocates, we urge all victims to continue to seek help, assistance and guidance. Do not take no for an answer - this is your life/future and perhaps your family's lives and future. You can do it and YOU ARE WORTH IT AND DON'T GIVE UP! Take a stance, stick to it and heal. Healing is a transition. it does not happen overnight. If you are in need of a safety plan with awesome direction, please obtain a copy of "Moving Out, Moving On" by author, Susan Murphy-Milano. Susan will assist you every step of the way to rid yourself and become whole again TO SAFETY.

"Mixed signals" to Batterers/Assailants:
They have a 50/50 chance of "getting away with the damage". Most do not even think of the reprucussions of such actions because the mentality is, "see what you made me do?"; never taking the damn blame. It's about time that batterers/assailants be held 300% + accountable for their anger, outbursts, physical and deadly actions. IT'S OUT OF CONTROL!

"Mixed signals" to our Youth:
This is a large area of concern for many Advocates and families. These two young people have/had so much influence with their work over our youth that the impact of could be of consequence.

Part of a Solution: Our youth must be educated that it is NOT okay to EVER ABUSE A FEMALE!

Males must be educated that you are more powerful by walking away rather than to emotionally, mentally or physically abuse a female.

Females must be educated about awareness, the warning signs/red flags, what is Power and Control and to learn that abuse only escalates. When those red flags go up and your gut (intuition) tells you that it isn't right - you must get away/run if you have to without looking back. There are more fish in the sea and she must believe that she is WORTHY! And, I am definitely going here with this.........she must know how to "realisitically" protect and defend herself. When I refer to "realistically" I am speaking of using her mind and body to defend herself. A female has every right to defend herself if she feels that her life is in danger.

There are millions of victims in our country that are not as blessed as Rihanna. May we all send a message to Rihanna to Advocate once she has healed to pass these important messages on to our youth and to assist in promoting the need for awareness, proactiveness and ultimately self-worth.

DO NOT BECOME A STATISTIC.......if you or a loved one is in need of help please go/take her to a local agency for support and guidance. Don't be afraid to call the Crisis Hotline......that is what they are there for - YOU.

Take care and STAY SAFE!
Anny
A Survivor
The Realistic Female Self-Defense Company
"Raising female awareness and skills to reduce susceptibility in response to violence."
www.annyjacoby.com
www.realisticfemaleselfdefense.com