She Called Me Her “Boyfriend”….

Unfortunately, the following stalking experience for a young man is extremely common. I commend him that he didn’t retaliate by lashing out nor physically take matters into his own hands, instead he used his head. Every victim has to use his/her head and be twenty steps ahead of their assailant.

I am a 15 year old guy in the 10th grade. Ever since the 6th grade, I have been harassed by a female student and a few of her friends, but mostly her.

I can’t remember when it started, but I do remember sometime in the 7th grade I had to work on a project with her. While working, she took my pen in placed it in her crotch and told me to get it. I just walked away and worked somewhere else and let it go.

In the 8th grade, while leaving the cafeteria, she and a friend grabbed me in the hall and cornered me. They groped me continuously, even as other students passed by and some saw. It was extremely embarrassing.

I told them to let me go but they wouldn’t let me.
A couple days ago, at a club meeting we both are involved in, while taking a break, she comes over and starts telling me how we go out and how I’m her boyfriend. Her friends laugh. Then she starts groping and rubbing on me. When I stand up to leave with my friend, she pinches my butt and laughs.

These are only a few of many incidents, and I finally had enough. I plan on going to my assistant principal first thing Monday and reporting her. She has made going to school and the club something I dread, and now I have a witness.

As everyone knows, I focus primarily on female abuse and assault; teaching and training them mentally, emotionally and ultimately how SHE can PROTECT AND DEFEND herself. However, I do support males because males can be and are victims as well. I do not expect nor promote a male to “take a frying pan upside the head” and there are some really nasty females out there that are abusive. Unfortunately the statistics do not accurately represent male abuse because males simply did not readily come forward to seek assistance. But….the times are changing and I strongly encourage ANY male that is verbally, emotionally, financially, spiritually and/or physically abused to reach out. Our agencies are working extremely hard to offer males assistance – you are not alone.

• Approximately 380,000 men are stalked annually in the US
• 1 in 45 men will be stalked in their lifetime
• 64% of male victims know their stalker
• 30% of male victims are stalked by an intimate partner
• 10% of male victims obtained a protective order
• 81% of male victims had protection orders violated

If you are a male or you know a male that is being abused or victimized in any manner please reach out for support, guidance and advice. Contact your local and/or national agencies as well as the list below. Remember, you are not alone and NO DESERVES TO BE VICTIMIZED IN ANY MANNER.

If you are in immediate danger, you should call 911.

The PSA from CBS stalking advice pertains to female and male victims of stalking.

STALKING RESOURCE CENTER

RAINN

National Center for Victims of Crime

Male Survivor

Hope for Healing.Org

Safe Horizons

Take care and STAY SAFE!

AWN Radio Guest: Personal Safety Expert Anny Jacoby on Issues of Stalking & Violence

AWN Radio on Saturday, January 30, 2010

Anny Jacoby, Personal Safety Expert offers a unique understanding of self defense, and in her workshops she teaches females important safety tips as well as self defense training. In these classes she also addresses awareness of abusive relationships, assault, and pro-active options.

Anny consulted with an professional regarding females on the autism spectrum and their unique vulnerabilities as it pertains to these matters. Join us in welcoming Anny to the show as she shares with us important information about personal safety, and as this last day of January closes out the National Awareness Month on Stalking, Anny will also highlight some important tips which we should all understand.

Show times: 11:00 am PST, 12:00 pm MST, 1:00 pm CST, 2:00 pm EST

Kim Kardashian Gets Restraining Order Against Alleged “Joker Face” Stalker Dennis Shaun Bowman

Posted by Kealan Oliver

CBS NEWS – Crimesider

(AP Photo/Matt Sayles)

(AP Photo/Brian Bohannon)

NEW YORK (CBS/AP) Reality TV star Kim Kardashian has obtained a temporary restraining order against a man who claims they are in love: an unwanted admirer named Dennis Shaun Bowman.

Photo: Kim Kardashian arrives at the premiere of “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” in June 2009.

Court papers claim Bowman told Kardashian he is interested in a romantic relationship and sends her numerous messages each day, saying they are in love and will get married.

“I am extremely frightened by Mr. Bowman because he appears to be obsessed with me and is extremely delusional,” Kardashian, 29, wrote in a court filing.

Kardashian’s attorneys obtained a stay-away order Tuesday against Bowman. The 26-year-old alleged stalker is not to contact her in any way, including Twitter.

Kardashian is a star of the reality show “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” which follows the escapades of Kardashian and her family. Her filings stated Bowman has repeatedly shown up at her appearances, often as the Joker from “Batman” covered in facepaint.

Bowman allegedly ignored cease-and-desist letters from her attorney and orders from the Los Angeles police to stop following her.

Her filings detailed a series of close encounters where Bowman tried to reach her at promotional appearances, some of which he heard about on Twitter. However, in some instances he arrived too late or was turned away by security.

Bowman did not immediately return an e-mail message seeking comment. Attempts to find a phone listing for him were unsuccessful.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

I thought it would never happen to me...

BY BETHANY CORBIN, GUEST COLUMN:

CHAPEL HILL NEWS - JANUARY 27TH, 2010

I thought it would never happen to me. Throughout my life I had heard stories on the news about escalating relationship violence and always pitied the victims. How did these women become entangled in such dangerous situations? Shouldn't they have seen the warning signs?

I thought these women were naïve and that if I was careful I would never find myself in a similar situation. I was wrong. On April 28, 2009, I was assaulted on the UNC campus by someone I once dated in a well lit and populated area. I was petrified, unable to think, and consumed with fear. Frantically, I begged a bystander to walk me back to my dorm, but when he returned, the bystander just stood there and watched him push me, never offering to intervene.

What gave this man the right to put his hands on me? I was angered, upset and scared out of my mind. However, once I suddenly remembered that I knew how to defend myself, I was overwhelmed with confidence and able to push past the fear, safely escaping the situation.

Unfortunately, many women do not know how to recognize the warning signs of abusive relationships and stay with their partner until it is too late. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence reports that one in four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime, and that one in six women will experience an attempted or complete rape. In North Carolina alone, the State Bureau of Investigation reported approximately 2,239 rapes for 2008. Twenty-five percent of those rapes involved victims between the ages of 16 and 20, and 21.5 percent involved victims ages 11 to 15. Unfortunately, as women, the odds are against us. It is extremely likely that someone we know and love will be affected by domestic violence.

Now, eight months after my assault, I have founded a new program, Project Safe Girls, which offers personal safety and self-defense classes for any female between the ages of 5 and 23. Project Safe Girls is an official division of The Realistic Female Self Defense Company and educates women about domestic violence, dating violence, stalking, sexual assault, abduction, healthy relationships, physical self-defense, and more. Project Safe Girls specifically tailors the curriculum to each age group and offers an invaluable experience that will empower females of all ages.

The first portion of the program focuses on safety awareness and prevention. When most females hear the term self-defense, they often assume we are only addressing the physical aspect. Although physical self-defense can be necessary, and is taught in this program, self-defense begins way before any punches are thrown. Anny Jacoby, owner and CEO of The Realistic Female Self-Defense Company, explains, "Fighting back is not about staying in the ring and going ten rounds. We fight males with knowledge, not with strength; and knowledge is a powerful tool. But you must know what your tools (mentally and physically) are and how to effectively use them." After attending a training session, females will feel more confident in their abilities to remain safe and protect their loved ones.

Beginning Jan. 11, Project Safe Girls began operating as part of the Chapel Hill-Carrboro YMCA's afterschool program for fifth- through eighth- grade girls. In addition to the upcoming YMCA program, Project Safe Girls will travel nationwide to offer training to women in all communities of the United States. The first local training in Chapel Hill will be held this Saturday and is open to all females interested in acquiring the basic life skill of safety.

For more information, or to register for training, please visit www.projectsafegirls.com or e-mail me at bethany@projectsafegirls.com

I am scared to death...he won't stop stalking me!

The more the public becomes aware of the effects and toll that stalking can do to a victim - perhaps the more we will realize that STALKING IS A CRIME and it is NEVER the victim's fault.

I find that it helps to share with my readers real life experiences of stalking victims so just perhaps you will have a better understanding of the devastating effects that this crime as well as others has on victims. This victim's experience is only one of millions.

A man has been stalking me for years. He left obscene lengthy screaming voice mails. Other times, he would lay his phone down by his tv and let the answering machine record it. He played Cheryl Crowe’s song “The First Cut is the Deepest” as a message on my cell phone voice mail. I worked at the high school where my daughter was also a student, and he threatened to come there and get us both.

I was able to get a restraining order against him in 2005, which was granted for one year. Then I moved away.

But he began stalking me on the Internet. He constantly emails me and no matter how many times I block him, he sends it through 3rd party. I just got a poem that he sent through Craig’s List. He has also sent emails to my daughter.

I am scared to death he will find out where I work and live now. To keep myself secret, I now have a PO box in someone else’s name and no land telephone line.

I have called every place I can to get help and nobody will help me because he has not threatened to harm me lately, even though he has in the past as witnessed by the previous restraining order. I have gone to every women’s group, locally, regionally, nationally. I don’t know what to do anymore. The judge here will not issue a restraining order unless there has been two acts of violence. (Well, if someone threatens you, to me THAT is intent, and it only takes one contact to kill somebody.) The paperwork even says harassment on the Internet is grounds but still, the judge won’t do anything.

I am scared to death and every time he contacts me, I start shaking and my heart races.

Many victims become frustrated with the legal system, but they must realize that the problem is NOT that no one will help - the problem is that many of the states stalking laws DO NOT allow the police or courts to do much to combat stalking. In other words - the legal system is not minimizing a victim's fear but it is hard to make it illegal to terrify people since so many different things can scare many people. Many states require physical attacks or threat of harm before law enforcement can intervene. The legal system does the best that they can with the little leverage they are given to deal with stalking.

In NO WAY am I making excuses for our legal system from cops to lawyers to judges. They all know that there is a serious problem and IT'S NOT GOING AWAY. This is why so many Advocates are devoted to extending our experience, hands and voices to make a difference. We must join forces, working together to make changes. Yes, it's a process and frustrating but we (Advocates and Victims) must remain on the same page working toward the ultimate goal - JUSTICE!

Ultimately, the victim must be in control of the crime, so-to-speak. Is it fair, HELL NO! but this is your life and you must be in control. Please read my previous blogs for safety tips and suggestions. Please check out how you can protect you with technology stalking via Project Safety Net, Wired Safety and WHOA .

Take care and STAY SAFE!

A Victim's Assistant Speaks Out About A Stalker and Death...

STALKING IS A CRIME!

Once you’ve been a victim, you know how life-destroying stalking can be.

A Victim's Assistant speaks out about a double homicide/suicide-by-cop case. It was related to a stalking case I worked last year. My stalking victim was stalked by her ex-husband, primarily through their 3-year-old daughter. He had also done the same thing to his first wife and son (who is now 10). After the stalking conviction, he moved on to another woman. When she broke up with him in January and tried to end the relationship he began stalking her, too. Finally, he showed up at the hospital where she worked as a physical therapist on a night when he had unsupervised custody of the child (my client was with her new husband at an awards banquet 6 hours away). He had made a cassette tape of his plans the night before and carried them out in the hospital parking lot. He shot his ex-girlfriend in the face and killed her, then dragged her body to a grassy area.

Then he went to his vehicle, unbuckled his 3-year-old daughter by his 2nd wife (my stalking victim) and carried her to his ex-girlfriend's body. He placed the child on his knee and shot her in the face/head, killing her. Then he shot his ex-girlfriend again two more times and stabbed her with a knife several times. Then he kneeled between the two bodies and tried to kill himself, but the gun jammed. By then the police had arrived, so he pointed the gun at them and forced them to shoot and kill him.

All of this happened in the hospital parking lot in front of several employees. On the tape he left behind, he mentioned his plans to also kill his son from his first marriage (luckily, he could not find his son in time so he carried on without him).

The man was a firefighter/EMT. He stalked his victims through his job. He used the 911 system to obtain my victim's new unlisted phone numbers every time she changed them. He used the emergency cell phone in the ambulance to harass my victim (and probably his ex-girlfriend too). He used his job to track license plates of vehicles in my victim's driveway and would then call her and tell her who was/had been at her house. He would follow her, harass her, leave hundreds of phone messages, and stake out her home for hours on end. He would page my victim constantly, and use his daughter as his excuse for calling my victim many times each day, even when he had her that day. When He was convicted of stalking, he received two years of supervised probation and ten counseling sessions. Because he was a fireman, the judge also made his conviction eligible for expungement at the end of his probation, meaning the conviction would not exist on his record. The judge justified this by saying he wanted the defendant to keep getting promotions and pay more support for the daughter.

Charles saw his probation officer just hours before his murdering spree. This man was a classic abusive partner / stalker and had a pattern of abuse / stalking at least three women before committing these murders. He left behind many torn lives and a legacy of grief. His daughter would have turned four just four days after the murders.

Thoughts and prayers go out to all the victims in this case. I am truly sorry that this had to happen but I hope that by printing this story it brings to light some of the awful things that do happen.

If you are being stalked or are in fear of being stalked, please reach out and get the help you need, call 911 and/or your local agencies. Remember, no one deserves to be physically, sexually or emotionally abused.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Who Becomes A Stalker?

STALKING IS A CRIME!

Once you’ve been a victim, you know how life-destroying stalking can be.

Who Becomes a Stalker?

Stalkers are usually isolated and lonely, coming from the “disadvantaged” of our society; however, a stalker can occupy any place in our entire social spectrum. Often, the stalking may be triggered by a significant trauma or loss in the life of the perpetrator, usually within at least seven years of the stalking behavior. (For example, relationship dissolution or divorce, job termination, loss/potential loss of a child, or an ill parent.) Most stalkers are not psychotic. In a comparative study of psychotic versus non-psychotic stalkers (Mullen et al. 1999), 63% of the sample was found to be suffering from a common psychiatric condition, such as major depression, personality disorder, or substance dependence–with personality disorder being the most common diagnosis.

Ex-intimates: Common stalkers are people who previously shared a romantic relationship with the victim, and former intimates are the most common type of stalking target. This can be either from a long or short term relationship.

Family members: A stalker may target a member of their family, such as a parent or sibling. This would most likely be a resentful or rejected stalker, and they would target a family member they feel had rejected, humiliated, or abused them in the past.

Friends and Acquaintances: The victim may be stalked by an intimacy seeker or an incompetent suitor motivated by a desire to start a romantic relationship with the victim. The victim may be stalked by a resentful stalker, typically a neighbor, who may be involved in a disagreement with the victim about something such as noise, the location of a tree, or pets.

Workplace Contacts: In their study of stalkers, Mullen (et al) found that 23% had a professional relationship with their victim, most often a medical practitioner. Other stalkers may be supervisors, fellow employees, service providers, clients, or others who show up at the victim’s workplace. Stalking behaviors directed at the victim may include: sexual harassment, physical and sexual assaults, robberies, or even homicide. A violent workplace stalker usually has a history of poor job performance, a high rate of absenteeism, and a record of threats and confrontations with people they resent in the workplace.

Victims often do not tell their co-workers or supervisors about the person who is stalking them because they fear reprisals from the stalker or other employees, don’t think they will be believed, or feel embarrassed about the situation.

Doctors, nurses, psychologists, or other health care providers may become the targets of stalking by obsessed clients or patients. (Or the other way around) Teachers may become stalked by students. (Or the other way around.) Psychiatrists are at particular risk for being the targets of stalking because of their contact with people with psychiatric conditions.

Strangers: respond politely. These are most commonly Intimacy Seekers and Incompetent Suitors, but may also be Predatory stalkers or Resentful stalkers. These stalkers may hide their identity from their victims at first, and reveal it after stalking their victim for some time in order to get closer to them. Victims may be initially flattered when stalker approaches them and date with their stalker, after many requests. This can have the unintentional effect of encouraging the stalker, and making them believe that their love is reciprocated.

Gender: Stalkers are far more likely to be male, however, women can also become stalkers. Women are more likely to target someone they have known, usually a professional contact. Men are less likely to pursue other men, while females will often target other females. The majority of female stalkers are intimacy seekers seeking to establish relationships, whereas men show a broader range of motivations, and are more often to be seeking to restore relationships. Women are as likely to use violence as men, and there does not tend to be a difference between genders regarding the duration of a stalking. Thus, while the contexts and motives for stalking may differ between men and women, the intrusiveness of the behaviors and potential for harm does not.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Via Sexual Harassment Support.

He sent me to the hospital after I told him to “Get Lost!”

Worried High School Girl, New York

This past year was my first year in high school. Admittedly I was very nervous about it due to the fact I am a very quiet girl with a few good friends.

Now I’m not quite sure when I started to notice that this boy (whom is 3 years older than myself) was watching me a lot. After a couple of weeks he had found out my E-mail and Cell phone number and was always trying to be in contact with me, and was asking about where I was going and with who. It continued to the point where he left messages playing love songs on my phone, or him saying how depressed he was when he didn’t see my face. I started to really freak out when he started to show up at the places where I was (even my doctor’s appointments).

I was told by my friend that I am too nice because I hadn’t told the guy how much he was scaring me with his questions, and I never told him to go away. Finally I worked up the nerve to tell him I wasn’t interested after he snuck up behind me when I was on my way to the bus, picked me up and started to carry me away! (Boy was I happy my two friends were there).

But he didn’t listen, and he tried to be close to me whenever he could in school. He even dated the girl with the locker next to mine! He left notes in my locker saying he missed talking to me and was always sitting near me or trying to touch my arm.

I got mad and told him to “Get lost!” again.

The very next day I was sent to the hospital due to the fact that in gym class he hit my face with a soccer ball, resulting in a concussion. He told people it was my fault. But after that, everyone in school saw what was going on and helped me to stand up to him (the teachers were close to useless without proof).

Over the next few months there has been little to no contact between us. But last week I got an email from him saying again how much he misses me and how sorry he is. His friends also sent me emails saying the same thing (they had done so in the past, urging me to go out with him as well).

With the new school year approaching, I’m wondering if he will ever go away.

I personally commend this young lady for taking a stance, speaking out and understanding her concern; but now she must know her options and what she can do to STOP HIS STALKING. SHE WAS ALSO ASSAULTED! Once you’ve been a victim, you know how life-destroying stalking and assaults can be. There are no easy answers to her concerns or questions. First and foremost, a victim should always think about her safety.

Unfortunately, the above experiences (stalking and assault) are extremely common with our young people. Our young people must be educated about stalking - STALKING IS A CRIME! ASSAULTS ARE A CRIME!

Yes, this is a wake-up call for parents everywhere – it is YOUR (“RENTS”) RESPONSIBILITY to be sure that your daughter(s) receive proper education in order for her to protect herself. She must learn awareness, how to recognize the warning signs of abuse and assault as well as what she can do to protect and ultimately defend herself if physically assaulted.

It’s high time for our school administrators and teachers to get their heads out of the sand and make classes on Personal Safety mandatory. What does a volley-ball or badminton class do for a child? What do these classes teach our young ladies about health relationships, that they have rights and what they can do about them? Personal Safety education and training is a distinct part of LIFE SKILLS. Parents is YOUR responsibility to be your child’s voice; take a stance, fight for YOUR child and be sure that she gets the proper training that she so rightly deserves. And, if the school systems won’t do something about it – IT IS YOUR DUTY AND RESPONSIBILITY TO DO IT ON YOU OWN. Do not let your child down in any way.

I have been blogging and posting about Stalking Signs, Awareness and Safety Tips all month in observance of Stalking Awareness Month. Truthfully, every day should should be an internal check about every awareness. Focusing on just one month a year of any specific cause is so minuet as the EPIDEMIC of assaults on females are off the charts.

This is no longer a taboo subject – we are talking about YOUR CHILD, your innocent child who does not have this “life skill” unless you assist her to obtain it. Isn’t she (they) worth it? Aren’t you as a female/mother worth it?

Girls – I encourage each and every one of you to be YOUR voice. Ask for education, training and ultimately how you can realistic defend and EFFECTIVELY (the key word) yourself if you are ever put in a position that you have to FIGHT BACK.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

What Can You Do If You Are Bein g Stalked?

STALKING IS A CRIME!

Once you’ve been a victim, you know how life-destroying stalking can be.

What Can You Do If You Are Bein g Stalked?

There are no easy answers to this question. First and foremost, you should always think about your safety. Here are some other things to consider:

• Report the stalking to your local law enforcement agency. While officers may not have enough evidence to arrest the stalker, it is important to develop this “official” record of the stalking behavior. If a law enforcement report is made, the information may become public.
• Some stalkers believe there are hidden messages within conversations they have with their victims that encourage them to continue the stalking. Some experts suggest that if your stalker is a former intimate partner or someone who believes you want to be in a relationship, you must be clear and firm early on about wanting to end the relationship. The longer the relationship goes on, the harder it is for the stalker to get the message that you are not interested.
• If the stalking has continued for a long time, some believe it is best for the victim to cease all communication with the stalker. Instead, let the “system” communicate with him through a law enforcement officer, probation officer, or through a protection order.
• A protection from stalking order may or may not be effective in ending the stalking. These orders may be most effective if issued when the stalking behavior first begins. They also appear to be most effective in communities where violations of the order are taken very seriously by law enforcement, prosecutors, and judges. If these situations do not apply to you, you may want to consider whether a protection order will help or hurt your situation. Call your local domestic violence/sexual assault programs in your state/county for further information and for a brochure explaining how to get a protection from stalking order.
• In some situations, further contact between the victim and the stalker, tends to encourage the stalker. Therefore, if you can, try to avoid the following:
  - mediation
  - joint therapy
  - shared custody
  - face-to-face child exchanges
  - protection orders (which will require a face-to-face hearing)
• Keep a log of all stalking behaviors, including the following (see Incident Log below):
  - date of incident
  - times and places the incidents occurred
  - description of stalking behavior
  - witnesses to the incident
• If you believe you may be in imminent danger, develop a safety plan, taking into consideration the following:
  - critical phone numbers, such as law enforcement, friends, domestic violence or sexual assault programs
  - critical phone numbers and contact information for other important people or services you may need after reaching a safe location, such as neighbors, attorneys, prosecutors, medical care, child care, or pet care
  - keep a reserve of necessities in case you have to leave your home quickly, such as a suitcase in the trunk of your car or at a friend’s house; include money, medication, toys or items important to the children
  - consider having important documents such as passports, immigration documents, birth certificates, and social security numbers readily accessible
  - alert people who may be part of your safety plan, such as law enforcement, employers, family, friends, neighbors, or security personnel
• Consider whether any of the following measures would help decrease or prevent some of the dangers connected to stalking:
  - installing solid core doors with dead bolts
  - changing locks, securing all spare keys
  - installing outside lighting
  - trimming bushes and vegetation around your residence
  - identifying locations that may be safe for you, such as police stations, residences of family/friends, local churches, or other public places
  - getting an unlisted number or, if you have financial means, using a “dummy” answering machine connected to your published phone line. The private or unlisted number can be reserved for close friends or family and the stalker may not realize you have another line
  - varying travel routes and other routines
  - limiting time walking or jogging alone
  - informing a trusted neighbor about the situation and, if possible, giving them a description or a photo of the stalker, asking them to call law enforcement if they see anything unusual
• Sexual assault and domestic violence programs may be able to provide you with additional help and information. The Stalking Resource Center can also provide you with information on stalking.

If you are in danger, call 911.

---

INCIDENT LOG

Use this log to keep a record of stalking incidents.

Date:_____________________________
Time:_____________________________
Place:____________________________________________________________________________________________
Witnesses:________________________________________________________________________________________
Description:_______________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Important Phone Numbers

Crisis Hotline
Law Enforcement
Prosecutor
Prosecutor Address
Case #
Friend
Neighbor
Day Care
Emergency Healthcare

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Type of Stalkers

STALKING IS A CRIME!

Via Sexual Harassment Support.

(Note: The following 6 categories have been defined by P. E. Mullen. However, even Mullen asserts that these are not entirely mutually exclusive groupings, and the placement of an individual is a matter of judgment. Like sexual harassers, stalkers may fit more than one profile, or begin with one approach and move to another. )

Rejected Stalker

The most common, persistent and intrusive of all stalkers, the rejected stalker is obsessed with someone who is a former romantic partner or friend, and who has ended their relationship with the stalker, or indicates that he or she intends to end the relationship. Depending on the responses of the victim, the stalkers goals will vary, and the rejected stalker usually struggles with the complex desire for both reconciliation and revenge. As Mullen writes, ”A sense of loss could be combined with frustration, anger, jealousy, vindictiveness, and sadness in ever-changing proportions.” This stalker may be very narcissistic, and may feel humiliated by the rejection. In most cases, they will have poor social skills and a poor social network. They are also the most likely to try to harm the victim in some way, and may employ intimidation and assault in their pursuit. They may become jealous if their victim enters or continues a romantic relationship with another person. A history of violence in the relationship with the partner is not uncommon.

Resentful Stalker

This stalker is looking for revenge against someone who has upset them–it could be someone known to the stalker or a complete stranger. The behaviors are meant to frighten and distress the victim. The stalker views the target as being similar to those who have oppressed and humiliated them in the past, and they may view themselves as someone striking back against an oppressor. Or, the victim could be a professional believed to have cheated or abused the stalker in some way. Often irrationally paranoid, this kind of stalker can be the most obsessive and enduring. While the least likely to use physical force, the resentful stalker is the most likely to verbally threaten the victim. They may use personal threats, complaints to law enforcement and local government, property damage, theft or killing of pet, letters or notes on the victim’s car or house, breaking into the victim’s house or apartment, or watching the victim’s movements.

Predatory Stalker

The least common of all the stalkers, this is the classic sexual predator whose plan is to physically or sexually attack the victim. They are motivated purely by the desire for sexual gratification and power over their victim. This type of stalker is sexually deviant, has poor social skills, and usually has lower than normal intelligence. They usually will not have any direct contact with the victim while they are stalking them. This stalker may engage in such behaviors as surveillance of the victim, obscene phone calls, fetishism, voyeurism, sexual masochism and sadism, exhibitionism. The victim can be either someone the stalker knows, or a complete stranger.

Intimacy Seeker

The intimacy seeker seeks to establish an intimate, loving relationship with their victim. To them, the victim is a long sought-after soul mate, and they were meant to be together. Also, they may have the delusion that the victim is in love with them–usually called erotomania. They may interpret any kind of response from the victim as encouragement, even negative responses. This stalker may write letters, send gifts, or call their victim. They may believe the victim owes them love because of all they have invested in stalking them, and is very resistant to changing their beliefs. The intimacy seeker has an inflated sense of entitlement, and if they recognize they are being rejected, this stalker may become threatening, or may try to harm the victim in some way, sometimes using violence. (In this way, they may become a rejected stalker, see above.) This stalker may become jealous if their victim enters or continues a romantic relationship with another person. After the rejected stalker, the intimacy seeker is the most persistent type of stalker. They are usually unresponsive to legal sanctions, viewing them as challenges to overcome that demonstrate their love for the victim.

Incompetent Suitor

The Incompetent Suitor desires a romantic or intimate relationship with the victim but is impaired in their social and courting skills. This stalker may be very narcissistic, and cut off from victim’s feelings (lack of empathy). The incompetent believes that anyone should be attracted to them. Typically, this stalker will repeatedly ask for dates, or call on the phone, even after being rejected. They may attempt physical contact by trying hold the victim’s hand or kiss the victim, however, the will not become physically violent or threatening. The incompetent suitor is less persistent than others, and is likely to have stalked numerous others in the past, and will probably do so in the future. They will quickly stop stalking if threatened with legal action or after receiving counseling.

Erotomaniac and Morbidly Infatuated

This stalker believes that the victim is in love with them. They believe this even though the victim has done nothing to suggest it is true, and may have made statements to the contrary. The erotomaniac reinterprets what their victim says and does to support the delusion, and is convinced that the imagined romance will eventually become a permanent union. This stalker may suffer from acute paranoia, and typically chooses a victim of higher social status. They will repeatedly try to approach and communicate with their supposed lover, and is typically unresponsive to threats of legal action of any kind. Without psychological treatment, this stalker is likely to continue with their activities.

Cyberstalking and Cyberstalkers

Cyberstalking is an extension of the physical act of stalking; however, the behavior occurs using electronic mediums, such as the Internet and computer sypware. Someone who is physically stalking an individual may employ cyberstalking as another means to pursue, harass, or force contact. Or, cyberstalking may be the sole means of surveillance and pursuit of the victim. The stalker may join forums they know their target frequents, and pose as someone else in an attempt to contact their target, or they may contact other members to get information about the target or defame their character. They may use spyware to access their target’s computer and the personal information contained within. Given the vast distances that the Internet spans, a “pure” cyberstalker will never move beyond electronic mediums and into physical stalking. Still, this does not mean that the behavior is any less distressing, frightening, or damaging, and a cyberstalker’s motives can fit any of the categories described above. Moreover, given the ability of individuals to ‘mask’ their identity when using the Internet, linking the harassment to one particular individual can be difficult. Programs that mask IP (Internet Protocol) addresses, and anonymous remailers are merely two examples that hinder the identification of the stalker and their (digital) location.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today, January, 18, 2010, people of all ages and backgrounds will come together to improve lives, bridge social barriers, and move our nation closer to the “Beloved Community” that Dr. King envisioned. Dr. Martin Luther King devoted his life’s work to causes of equality and social justice. He taught that through nonviolence and service to one another, problems such as hunger and homelessness, prejudice and discrimination can be overcome. Dr. King’s teachings can continue to guide us in addressing our nation’s most pressing needs—poverty, economic insecurity, job loss and education.

At 33, Martin Luther King was pressing the case of civil rights with President John Kennedy. At 34, he galvanized the nation with his “I Have a Dream” speech. At 35, he won the Nobel Peace Prize. At 39, he was assassinated, but he left a legacy of hope and inspiration that continues today.

Are you reaching for the mountaintop?

Helping a Stalking Victim or Yourself If You are a Victim......

Often when victimization occurs a victim is so overwhelmed emotionally, mentally and physically that it's difficult to sort and prioritize. This is common - as the life the you once knew has now been turned up-side-down. You feel like a deer in headlights and not quite sure which way to go or even where to go for assistance or help. This is normal - as reassurance, there are agencies and counselors available to you that will assist you, 24/7. You are never alone.

Always keep in mind that STALKING IS A CRIME and don't ever take it for granted. Don't brush it aside, rather know the warning signs and heed to your intuition. Remember, your intuition is your best friend.

Many females know their stalker personally and as a result, are hesitant to believe that the situation is potentially dangerous. Being aware of these alarming signals can help you determine if you are being stalked and what to do about it.

1. Lurking around your workplace or your neighborhood.

2. Being watched.

3. Repeated phone calls.

4. Inappropriate gifts.

5. Finding yourself in the position of needing to be rescued.

6. Manipulation.

7. Internet stalking.

8. Defamation of character or insults.

9. Violence.

10. Cumulative unwanted contact of any kind.

Helping a stalking victim or yourself if you are being stalked:

• Provide support and validation because threatening and harassing behavior alone, without accompanying violence are often minimized or discounted.

• Remind the victim to check out the applicable state anti-stalking statues.

• Help the victim to develop a paper trail documenting evidence of stalking. Caller ID records, logs of phone calls, copies of threatening letters, pictures of injuries, or of the stalker sitting outside the home, are examples of evidence that may help build a case.

• Inform law enforcement officials about the stalking and provide them with this evidence to support a case. If law enforcement officials refuse to conduct an investigation, consider contacting the prosecuting attorney's office, or a local victim assistance agency. A victim may be eligible to obtain a restraining or protective order.

• Remember, even restraining orders do not always prevent stalking from escalating into violence. Develop a safety plan. Inform friends, neighbors, and co-workers about the situation. Show them a photo of the stalker, better yet - give them all pertinent information about your stalker with a photo.

• Consider, obtaining an unlisted phone number for private use, and set up an answering machine to receive calls to the published number.

• Have easy access to a reserve set of: money, credit cards, medication, important papers, keys, and other valuables in case you need to leave quickly. Have a safe place in mind that you can go in an emergency.

• Keep the phone numbers of assistance agencies easily accessible.

• Try not to travel alone and always vary your routes. Always carry a cell phone with you.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Constantly Looking Over Your Shoulder ~ January, Stalking Awareness Month

STALKING IS A CRIME


What kind of stalking behaviors do victims experience?

Female stalking victims most commonly report being followed, spied on, or watched at home, at work or at places of recreation. Many also report receiving unwanted phone calls, letters, or gifts, and having restraining or protective orders violated. Battered women stalked by their current/former abusive partners report: being harmed, having mail stolen, being watched, receiving unwanted calls at home, being following, and receiving unwanted visits from their current or former abusive partners. Battered women experience multiple, serial forms of violent and harassing stalking behaviors perpetrated against them, sometimes as often as every day.

While many stalkers don’t attack, the threat of violence is usually inferred. Which means that even those victims who aren’t physically harmed suffer tremendously in terms of fear, anxiety and the disruption of their daily lives.

Unfortunately, victims simply don’t know what to do when confronted with being stalked. Neither does law enforcement nor the judicial system. Why? Because in many cases, stalkers successfully terrorize their victims without ever breaking the law.

While there are different kinds of stalking, invariably the stalker tries to establish a cult dynamic of one. It’s a power and control trip through which the stalker tries to distort the victim’s sense of reality. In many ways, stalking is like a rape that goes on and on.

The following list of the most common mistakes that stalking victims make has been culled from Surviving a Stalker: Everything You Need to Know to Keep Yourself Safe, a ground-breaking book by Linden Gross that teaches you how to avoid those life-threatening errors that too many other victims have made. (No reference is being made to “victim blaming” or “victim precipitation”.)

1. Not listening to your intuition. As countless stories reveal, you need to keep your internal radar tuned to pick up signals that something might be wrong.

2. Letting someone down easy, instead of saying a definitive NO if you’re not interested in a relationship. Trying to be nice can lead a potentially obsessive suitor to hear what he or she wants instead of the message that you’re not interested.

3. Ignoring the early warning signs that annoying attention might escalate into dangerous harassment and pursuit.

4. Responding to a stalker in any way, shape, or form. That means not acceding to your stalkers demands even once he or she has introduced threats. Linden’s book explains the dynamics behind a threat, and what to do when and if your stalking escalates to this point.

5. Trying to reason or bargain with a stalker. Stalking is like a long rape. Find out how your natural reactions almost automatically put you at a disadvantage, and what you can do about it.

6. Seeking a restraining or protective order. All too often, this one act propels stalkers to act violently. It is imperative to way all of your options, pros and cons. Will or does a piece of paper stop an assailant? Only if he/she is a law abiding citizen.

7. Expecting police to solve your problem and make it go away.

8. Taking inadequate privacy and safety precautions.

9. Neglecting to enlist the support of family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, therapists and other victims. It may be tough to admit that you’re being stalked, but it’s not your fault. Learn how to gather the people who will constitute your first line of defense.

10. Ignoring emotional needs during and after a stalking. Do you know how to get the support you need? Learn how to keep yourself sane.

Stalking Awareness Month ~ January 2010

STALKING IS A CRIME!

Angela's Nightmare.....by her sister;

Angela was one of those people who sought the good in everyone she met. "Everyone has a little bit of good, if you just look for it. It's up to us to help them display it." "People aren't born mean or grumpy or sad . . . life makes them that way." She felt the same way even after she decided to divorce her husband of one year. He became very possessive when their son was born. No one except Angela, her husband and myself was allowed to take care of the baby or even hold him. From the very first day at the hospital, it was like noon but Nathan knew how to care for an infant. The possessiveness got increasingly worse.

Then Nathan was injured at work and Angela started looking for a job. He started accusing her of having affairs with coworkers, and liking her job more than her family. He began trying to prevent her from visiting family members. For some reason, it was okay to visit me and my kids, but not when we were at Mom's house.

Nathan underwent another personality change when he began taking different medications from several different doctors for his injury. The mixture of drugs made things increasingly worse. He started lashing out in anger, putting holes in the walls with his fists and breaking things around the house. "You're face is next," he'd say. Through it all, Angela always seemed to remember the good she use to see in him.

One day, he tried to stop her from taking the baby to visit family. He grabbed the baby and pulled her arm up behind her back, leaving bruises. That was the last straw for her, and she decided to leave him. Instead, he moved out of their apartment, saying he did not want to disrupt the baby's life. Although, Angela tried to arrange visitation, Nathan kept coming back at all hours of the day and night. He stole her mail and harassed office workers into letting him in the apartment. When they finally refused, he broke in and took the baby's furniture. He said a son should not be raised without his father. Angela could not get help because they were still married. So, we managed to borrow the money for a divorce.

Only, divorcing him did not help. He only got worse. He began stalking her. At first, he just seemed to be everywhere she went. He went to their son's daycare and raised heck. He called her constantly at work. Then he began just sitting outside the babysitter's or daycare. One time I recall he jumped over the fence because another toddler had taken a toy away from HIS son. The daycare asked Angela to find somewhere else to take the baby. They felt the situation was getting dangerous for the other children.

At the new place, her ex called the police and said the babysitter was beating the children so bad they were all full of blood. It may sound funny now, but the kids had just eaten spaghetti and had sauce all over them. When her ex-husband looked in the window at the sitter's house, he jumped to the worst possible conclusion. Maybe by this time the drug mixture was frying him or more likely he is a person who must be in control and will do anything to maintain that control.

Then he started sitting outside her place of employment. He just sat there in the parking lot for hours at a time. One day he'd leave roses on her car seat and the next day he'd call yelling and screaming that she was a "whore-slut-bitch" (and other names I prefer not to put here) and would tell her she was unfit to be a mother. Then he'd call again and ask her to meet him for coffee somewhere so they could talk. We never knew what to expect next.

One evening, before she got off work, he broke into her apartment and fixed her dinner. When she walked in he said, "Hi, Honey! I fixed you dinner." She slammed the door shut and drove straight to Mom's house. The stalking continued. He broke into her apartment several more times just to leave notes that said "You can't get away. I can always get to you." "You will always belong to me."

Angela finally went to court for a Protective Order. What we were to come to realize is that protective orders only protect you from LAW-ABIDING or law-fearing people. As long as he was 200 feet away when the police arrived, he was not in violation of the order. Two hundred feet is not all that far, especially when one has at the very least 5 minutes (police response time) to move that far away. Additionally, his visitation rights with his son continued and overrode the protective order. Her divorce decree also overrode the protective order in requiring her to provide him with a valid phone number and address at all times. Moving was out of the question if she was to abide by the law herself.

In a time span of three months, Angela recorded almost 75 phone calls to 911. There were more but not from her personal phone. At one time while she was staying with my older sister, Angela received a death threat phone call from her ex.

Angela's bosses decided to hire a security officer at work. They put locks on the door going to the interior offices, so only the reception area was accessible to non-employees. Her ex raised hell in that reception area several times, but at least she felt safe behind locked doors... until she got off work.

Angela was finally able to rent an apartment close to work.

Now, her ex-husband started playing mind games with her. He used to remove parts from her car, knowing she would not be able to tell what was wrong. Then he'd show up in the parking lot and offer to "fix" the car. Or taunt her that he'd fix it if only there wasn't that Protective Order keeping him 200 feet away.

This nightmarish hell of an existence went on for 9 months. Then he was caught leaving her apartment while she was at work one day. He had taken a radio from her apartment. She pressed charges against him. However, he was released on bail. Now the phone calls varied between begging and threatening for her to drop the charges. But she refused. Perhaps this is what pushed him to stab her 24 times the day before his court hearing. . . perhaps it was more. The only thing I truly know is that I will never see her smile again. She'll never come bouncing in the room, spreading cheer. She'll never sit and reminisce with me again. Her son will never know what a wonderful loving mother he had or what she sacrificed to try to give him a "normal" life.

Stalking is a repetitive pattern of unwanted, harassing or threatening behavior committed by one person against another. Acts include: telephone harassment, being followed, receiving unwanted gifts, and other similar forms of intrusive behavior. All states and the Federal Government have passed anti-stalking legislation. Definitions may vary state-to-state but most define stalking as "the willful, malicious, and repeated following and harassing of another person that threatens his or her safety".

Stalking is about obsession. It may be motivated by an intense affection or an extreme dislike. Stalking is very common. One out of twelve females that YOU know and one out of forty-five men that YOU know have been stalked.

Men commit most stalking and stalking has become one of the most dreaded crimes against women in recent years. Many women know their stalker personally and as a result, are hesitant to believe the situation is potentially dangerous. Being aware of these alarming signals can help you determine if you are being stalked and what you can do about it.

As a stalking victim, one of the most important things for you to remember is you neither wanted this, asked for it, nor do you deserve this.

There are basic steps that can be followed to help ensure your safety, but it does entail changing y our normal day to day routines and your way of life, as you once knew it. You have no choice at this point. The stalker won't change so it's up to you. Is it fair? Hell no, but it's your safety and your life that we're talking about, so you are the one who has to make the change.
First and foremost, have no contact with your stalker.

As a stalking victim, you are frustrated, you are angry, you are in fear for your life. How often have you wanted to scream into the phone after receiving a harassing call or confront the stalker and demand to be left alone? You may want a friend or relative to tell the stalker to stop bothering you. DON'T DO IT. The stalker feeds on your attention and anyone close to you. Your stalker doesn't hear you screaming "leave me alone." If you do this, the stalker knows you're once again paying attention to him/her, whether it's direct contact with you or through a third party. That's what a stalker wants - attention, and that can be dangerous. Only the police should contact or confront the stalker. Keep a Stalker and Incident Behavior Log for reference.

More to discuss and share as we continue to honor Stalking Awareness Month.
Take care and STAY SAFE!

HAVE YOU SEEN SUSAN POWELL???

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Join the Networking Blitz: Have you seen Susan Powell, 28

FROM LISA MICHELS (Mothers Are Vanishing)

In case you haven't heard, Susan Powell, 28 of Utah has been missing since Sunday evening, December 6th and the family is doing a networking/media blitz to spread the word and her picture in hopes of someone being able to assist with finding Susan. Please feel free to pass this information on or post it to any of your networking sights. I'll include the family's links below.

Susan was raised in Western Washington where her family currently resides. The family is asking everyone to "memorize Susan's face and look around right where you are. If you see her, please note her location and condition and call 9-1-1 immediately." Print out her picture and keep it with you. Though she went missing from the state of Utah she could be anywhere.

REWARD: There is a reward of $10,000 (anonymous donor) and $1,000 (Crime Stoppers of Puget Sound) for information that leads to finding Susan. Anyone with information about this case should contact the West Valley City Police at 801-840-4000.

http://tinyurl.com/West-Valley-City-Police

If you believe in God, please feel free to say a prayer for Susan.

TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

"Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much." ~Helen Keller

Thank you for taking the time to read and take note of Mom to 2 young boys, Susan.

LINKS FOR MEDIA BLITZ:
http://bit.ly/findsusan
posters/fliers: http://bit.ly/4ppWVz
email: findsusanpowell@gmail.com
twitter: http://twitter.com/findsusan (@findsusan)
twitter hashtag: #findsusan
youtube: http://youtube.com/susanpowellsearch

DONATIONS:
Donated funds will help cover costs associated with searches, travel, specialists and other expenses that are quickly mounting.

A joint account has been set up with "FAA First Federal Credit Union" to receive donations to help Susan Powell's family search for her. Mr. Chuck Cox, Susan Powell's father, and Patrick Moniz will manage it
[ACCOUNT NO. 101422]

The FAA First Federal Credit Union is part of the nationwide shared branching network of credit unions. http://www.cuservicecenter.com/

DONATION CHECKS:
Family of Susan Powell
P.O. Box 59734
Renton, WA 98058

(A PayPal account will be available soon.)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

WISHING EVERYONE A HEALTHY AND PROSPEROUS NEW 2010 YEAR! STAY SAFE.