CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. (May 5) — The death of fourth-year University of Virginia student Yeardley Love is unquestionably tragic, but is it really as shocking as the media coverage would have us believe? Looking at the prevalence of dating violence nationwide and specifically at the University of Virginia — where more than 100 cases of dating abuse have occurred in the past decade (and those are just the ones that have been reported) — the answer is an unequivocal “no.”
According to Justice Department figures, every day in the U.S., three women are murdered by their intimate partners. Eighty-five percent of intimate partner violence (IPV) is perpetrated against women — overwhelmingly against women who are between the ages of 20 and 24. While the details of Love’s case make it seem sensational — a varsity lacrosse player at a prestigious school allegedly killed by her lacrosse player ex-boyfriend — statistically, it merely fits the pattern.
Love’s death also exposes an unfortunate reality of college life that’s often obscured or silenced in communities, university and otherwise, nationwide.At U.Va., it’s not so much that resources and advocacy about the dangers of dating violence don’t exist; it’s that students generally don’t think the statistics apply to them.
“The perception often among students is that such violence exists only for unhappy married couples,” said Claire Kaplan, the director of Sexual and Domestic Violence Services at the University of Virginia Women’s Center (where I’m the website managing editor). “In reality, IPV affects all types of relationships and all backgrounds and personalities of people.”
Kaplan argued that “cultural, social and institutional silence surrounding partner abuse is embedded in every person at U.Va.” It is part of a larger problem: People are culturally conditioned to dismiss violent and jealous acts perpetrated by men as “boys will be boys,” while the predominantly female victims are blamed for putting up with such behavior when things begin to turn sour.
It also doesn’t help that even those paid to ensure the safety of students don’t always seem knowledgeable about the facts surrounding dating violence. Early Monday morning, before news of Love’s death was widely known, a message from U.Va. Chief of Police Mike Gibson was circulated to students, faculty and staff. It did not sit well with fourth-year student Molly Conger. “The advice [he] offered … consisted entirely of strategies to avoid becoming the victim of violence at the hands of a stranger,” she said. “Locking doors and walking home with a friend will do little if that friend is the one who will later beat or rape you.”
In a bitter irony, some U.Va. students were already getting the right message before Love’s slaying. In April, they heard from Liz Seccuro, a 1988 graduate of U.Va. and a sexual assault survivor who travels the country sharing her story. She returned to her alma mater to address a Take Back the Night rally sponsored by the university. Chillingly, her remarks specifically addressed the dangers of intimate partner violence.
“The time has come,” Seccuro said, “to blame people who perpetuate these crimes.” But that won’t happen unless U.Va. and other schools “make a big push to educate students and be more institutionally proactive about interpreting such situations of abuse as what they are.”
Mary Beth Lineberry is a 2009 graduate of the University of Virginia and will receive her master’s degree in English literature from the school later this month.
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