Abuse or assaults do not discriminate in any manner what-so-ever. Abuse or assaults can rear it’s ugly head at any given time. It is obvious to me and I hope you that our families and young people begin to understand that they need to be educated about dating violence and sexual assault. Ultimately their lives are in their own hands.
Students – you cannot rely on college administrations to protect you. Harsh and cold but true. Violence on college campuses is no longer taboo.
Females – you are your best bodyguard but you have to be educated in all aspects. Males – you need to reach out and be educated about how to control jealousy, anger management, behavior modifications and more. And, in the process of being a responsible individual you will hopefully become an Advocate against violence having the ability to stand by a friend who must seek help from either side.
Not being an abuser/assailant, not becoming a victim all starts within long before the opportunity of either exists. I urge you to be proactive – you are worth it!
Food for thought for college administrators – why not consider putting into place a “required” class that every student entering your college must take to be educated about abuse and assaults? Every student that is already enrolled must take the class within the next year. Include physical self-defense training in the requirement for females. Ultimately the goal is not to ever have to use the physical training but rather to know and have the ability to recognize the warning signs and know safety tips to ward off a potential assault.
Helping our young people to identify the red flags and warning signs that signal that their relationship is at risk are the most important steps.
Red flags. There are certain themes common to abusive dating relationships. They include:
Control. Does your partner: Use anger, intimidation, and jealousy to control your behavior? Try to control how you dress, what you eat, and who you talk to? Constantly check up on you or accuse you of being unfaithful? Make you afraid to disagree because you fear what may happen if you do? Threaten to reveal personal information if you don’t follow orders? Threaten to kill him/herself or someone else if you break up with him/her?
Belittling. Does your partner: Call you mean or vulgar names? Intentionally disrespect or humiliate you in front of others? Constantly criticize you and put you down? Purposely ignore you to punish you for behavior he/she doesn’t like? Insult your friends or your family? Make you feel as if nothing you do is right, or enough?
Isolation. Does your partner: Force you to drop activities you enjoy because he/she is not a part of them? Prevent you from having contact with your friends and family? Forbid you from talking to other guys/girls? Try to control where you go? Do you feel as if you can no longer have your own life?
Physical Abuse. Does your partner: Use threats to harm you to control your behavior? Throw things at you or pull your hair when he/she is angry? Hit, punch, or choke you? Purposely destroy your property to punish you? Force you to drink or do drugs? Force you into sexual behavior you do not want do to do?
The honeymoon phase. After an abusive incident, many abusers enter the honeymoon phase. Often they will apologize profusely, offer gifts, and make extensive promises about changing their behavior. This leads many victims to think that “It won’t happen again,” which makes it less likely that they will end the relationship.
Emotional roller-coaster. Victims of dating violence may experience a wide range of emotional responses to this abuse. They may feel shame and embarrassment, which may preclude their seeking help. They often experience extreme levels of stress, fear, anxiety, and depression. Many believe their abusers when they say that it’s “their fault,” and wind up experiencing self-blame and guilt. Still more lack the self-esteem to realize that they deserve a healthier relationship; they stay because they feel they can’t do any better.
If you are in immediate danger call 911.
If you are a victim of abuse or an assault; or if you know someone who is suffering at the hands of another individual please contact your local domestic violence/sexual assault agencies; call the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1-800-799-SAFE; LoveIsRespect.org, 866-331-9474 or The National Center for Victims of Crime, 800-394-2255.
You are not alone and YOU ARE WORTHY.
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