Days Go By...

Shock, pain, emotional distress,
This happens to other people,
to other families, not ours….

Reality sets in,
Hate, dispair, and anger take over,
How could this happen, why did this happen?

Days go by,
Acceptance and strength are surfacing,
Drive and determination take over…

Passing along what we have learned becomes important,
It becomes the focus of each day,
To help others through where we have been…

We made it as the days have gone by,
As the years have gone by, we made it,
It’s forever with us, but it is now strength…

Days go by and it no longer rules,
We rule, we have taken our lives back,
A lot has changed as days go by…..

You took enough, you get no more…
Our lives are different, but our lives are good,
We took our lives back as days go by….

Now our purpose is to help others take theirs back,
You took enough, you get no more,
We are getting stronger as days go by…..

Our voices are coming together as one,
Can you hear us? You will,
As days go by….

Our voice is becoming stronger,
Louder, as days go by,
Our voice is to be heard….

The fear is gone,
We stand as one, strong and unwavering,
We are firm on our feet….

We are one voice, one voice that will no longer be silenced,
One voice that becomes stronger and louder,
As days go by……..

Cathy Parsons Gipson

Project Safe Girls…Stopping Violence Against Females

Safety first: a mantra Bethany Corbin now lives by to the letter.

After a personal experience with domestic violence, Corbin, a sophomore international studies and economic major at UNC, threw herself into educating other young girls. Her program, Project Safe Girls, teaches girls ages 5-23 about domestic violence, sexual assault (rape, date rape, and acquaintance rape), abduction, human trafficking, stalking, healthy relationships and general personal safety and ultimately how one can protect and defend herself mentally, emotionally and physically.

Project Safe Girls will kick off training through the Chapel Hill-Carrboro YMCA’s middle school afterschool program and is expanding rapidly through other schools, throughout the nation and is striving to make the program a safety prevention course requirement in all school systems.

“I want Project Safe Girls to be widely known throughout the US, said Anny Jacoby, founder and President of The Realistic Female Self-Defense Company, of which Project Safe Girls is an official division. “Project Safe Girls will take on its own form and it will shine as it is a much needed program for all communities.”

Jacoby has worked closely with Corbin to develop the program since Corbin approached the company. As sister organizations, both programs teach women essentially the same techniques, mentally and physically, geared to specific age groups. Corbin’s project gears specifically to girls ages 5-23 enrolled in school from kindergarten to college, whereas The Realistic Female Self-Defense Company teaches females of all ages.

The first step of the course lies in the awareness portion of safety, as awareness is the first step to any form of personal safety/self-defense. Instructors teach characteristics of unhealthy vs. healthy relationships/situations. Red flags and warning signs are significant signals of potential or existing abuse. Power and Control is the dominate factor which every form of abuse centers around.

Lessons in de-escalation are taught – how to diffuse a potential dangerous/violent situation in an attempt to warn off a physical altercation. De-escalation techniques range from eye contact and a confident yet non-threatening demeanor to talking in low tones and maintaining a safe distance between the persons.

“De-Escalation starts with non-verbal behaviors,” Jacoby said. “Techniques consist of your demeanor, your presence, your body language. But the only way that an individual obtains the confidence and knowledge is by studying and understanding how an assailant thinks, how you need to be thinking, and then knowing how you can defend yourself verbally and ultimately non-verbally if needed.”

The lessons in the non-physical aspects of personal safety/self-defense form the backbone of the Corbin’s and Jacoby’s programs.

“We promote violence prevention, raising awareness and the skills to reduce susceptibility to violence,” Jacoby said. “The way that you promote prevention is through education.”

Physical personal safety/self-defense training is a major part of the female’s safety equation. Females are taught how men/assailants think, vulnerable body areas other than the groin – which men expect a female to target – and how to use knowledge as an advantage. “Fighting back is not about staying in the “ring” going ten rounds,” Jacoby said. “We fight males with knowledge, not with strength; and knowledge is a powerful tool. But you must know what your tools (mentally and physically) are and how to effectively use them.”

UNC Student's Action Keeping Others Safe

Dark had long-since fallen over the “Pit” on UNC-CH’s campus, some students strolling to either dorms or the libraries, cramming in a little more studying two days before 2009 spring exams. Bethany Corbin and her boyfriend at the time were walking toward the North Campus dorms at which time a disagreement arose between them. The disagreement escalated into a verbal confrontation.

Bethany wanting to remove herself from the situation stated she was leaving and asked a fellow student to walk her to her dorm. Her boyfriend followed them and then shoved her since she wasn’t heeding to his demands. Corbin was terrified but eventually worked up the courage to escape and ran to her dorm.

“I was completely in shock”, said Corbin, now a sophomore. Prior to college, Corbin achieved a black belt in Tae Kwon Do; “even though I knew what to do, I froze.”

Now, eight months later, Corbin gears up to jumpstart her new program, Project Safe Girls, with awareness, personal safety/self-defense classes as part of the Chapel Hill-Carrboro YMCA’s afterschool program for members, 5^th-8^th grade. The program will run twice a week from January 11th until the end of May, concluding with a commencement featuring the girls in a demonstration of what they have learned for their parents and friends.

Before Corbin’s assault she had the mentality and often asked, “Why don’t women leave an abusive relationship?” “Now after my own assault, I clearly understand. I learned a lot of things about myself, my relationships, warning signs; but nobody had told me what a healthy relationship was. After I learned through counseling, I found that there are many females just like myself.”

Project Safe Girls focuses on educating females about domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault (rape, date rape, and acquaintance rape), abduction, human trafficking, stalking, healthy relationships and general personal safety and ultimately how one can physically protect and defend herself mentally and physically. Although the YMCA program only will be teaching young ladies from 5^th-8^th grade, Corbin has expanded the program to communities for school-age girls from ages 5-23 in partnership with The Realistic Female Self-Defense Company.

As an official division of The Realistic Female Self-Defense Company, Corbin’s Project Safe Girls will teach alongside the company’s founder and president, Anny Jacoby and certified Personal Defense Readiness Instructors.

Corbin’s personal experience fuels her dedication to the projects. In the beginning of the 2009-2010 academic year, she joined three different student government committees at UNC that deal with campus safety before she solidified her idea of Project Safe Girls.

As a student at UNC, it is mandatory for students to take a life fitness course; Corbin took the art class being offered to fulfill her obligation. “However, nothing teaches us (females) anything about personal safety and/or self-defense.”

Two grants through UNC pushed Corbin’s idea off of the ground and gaining the support of the YMCA to introduce Project Safe Girls to the community. But Corbin recognized that she was lacking official instruction. She began to search through “self-defense” companies and “martial art” programs to find a partner.

“I realized that I personally do not have the amount of experience and knowledge in this field that other’s have.” Corbin’s eyes fell on Jacoby’s company, The Realistic Female Self-Defense Company partially because it is based in Chapel Hill and also because it went beyond the physical “self-defense” aspect.

“Anny’s program incorporates the mental knowledge, emotional training along with the realistic physical training,” Corbin said. “I wanted to partner with someone who had the curriculum established that was similar to the one I was trying to implement.” When Corbin contacted Jacoby with her idea and plans Anny welcomed the entire program with enthusiasm, embracing its practical yet passionate approach. Jacoby is also a survivor of domestic violence and has actively advocated for females throughout the years.

“I look at Bethany not as a victim as she truly has transitioned into a Survivor and now she is an Advocate. Bethany is devoted to her mission with passion and is truly committed in helping to educate others. Bethany is brilliant and has so much to offer as she has taken a negative experience and is turning it into a much needed positive.” Jacoby said. “She has a vision and she knows how to go after what she wants. I am honored to be working with Bethany.”

“Some aspects of personal safety/self-defense have to be taught (mental and emotional) but the physical training is based on one’s natural instincts. Statistics indicate to us that victims blame themselves for abuse or incident(s) which is farthest from the truth. Victimization is NEVER her fault.” Jacoby said. Corbin said that she personally experienced these feelings herself. “I can always say that no one has the right to hurt me,” Corbin said. “But when I was in the situation, I often thought, ‘Well, maybe it was my fault.’”

According to the North Carolina State Bureau of Investigation, 2,239 rapes occurred in North Carolina in 2008, 83 percent of which were committed without weapons. About 25 percent of the rape victims were 16-20 years old and 21.5 percent involved victims ages 11-15. Orange County, North Carolina itself is ranked 27^th for the worst record out of 100 North Carolina counties and Durham ranked 7^th according to the Bureau. The alarming fact is that these statistics only represent the number of assaults being reported, so many go un-reported.

“Education and prevention is the key to equip females with defensive power mentally, emotionally and physically. If females are not taught how to fight back mentally, emotionally and ultimately physically, they do not have the knowledge or the tools for their toolbox.” Jacoby said. “Hence this is our mission with both companies – teach how one can and will be proactive, not paranoid – simply smart and alert.”

In addition to the upcoming YMCA program, Project Safe Girls is traveling throughout the country with Jacoby and instructors to raise and teach awareness, introducing personal safety training nationwide to females and to all ages through both divisions. Corbin also seeks to start another semester-long program in local schools.

“We would like to see every school have Project Safe Girls in place to offer students, whether be optional or mandatory. Unfortunately, it is imperative it today’s society.” Corbin said.

Corbin is a sophomore at UNC and intends to see her goal to fruition, pursuing the program for the next two years and beyond, she said. “I intend to provide education and training every day of my life and am working toward making it my career,” Corbin said.

To sign up for a class or inquire about the programs, visit both companies’ websites:

Project Safe Girls – http://www.projectsafegirls.com

mailto:info@projectsafegirls.com

The Realistic Female Self –Defense Company –http://realisticfemaleselfdefense.com

mailto:info@realisticfemaleselfdefense.com

Anny Jacoby – http://annyjacoby.com

anny@annyjacoby.com

Office: 919-225-1421

Rape victims offer advice to today’s college women

A student spoke out about being raped in her dorm room and was both confused and let down by her school’s actions.

(CNN) — If you are already in college or headed there, sit down. If you’re the parent or friend of a student, listen up.

One in five college women will be raped, or experience an attempted rape, before graduation. Less than 5 percent will report these crimes to officials on or off campus, and, when they do, there’s a good chance the system will let them down.

These shocking statistics were first issued nine years ago in a study conducted by the U.S. Department of Justice. Federal laws are in place to require schools to act on these allegations and look out for the rights of victims.

But a recently released investigative journalism series indicates that when it comes to dealing with sexual assaults, many higher-education institutions aren’t making the grade. The investigation was done by the Center for Public Integrity, a Washington-based nonprofit that says it seeks to make institutions more transparent and accountable.

“Schools are aware it’s a problem, a big problem,” said Kristen Lombardi, the center’s lead reporter for Sexual Assault on Campus: A Frustrating Search for Justice. She pointed to a “culture of silence” and said critics say, “The biggest sin is one of omission. They’re just not dealing with this issue head-on in a public manner with their student bodies.”

Over the course of nine months, Lombardi and her colleagues spoke to 33 women who’d reported rapes, interviewed about 50 experts and surveyed more than 150 crisis clinics and programs on or near campuses. They also reviewed cases and combed through 10 years of complaints against institutions that had been filed with the Department of Education.

Schools are aware it’s a problem, a big problem. … They’re just not dealing with this issue head-on.
–Kristen Lombardi, Center for Public Integrity

The alleged rape victims and others shared stories of secretive hearings, administrators who encouraged students to drop complaints and failures to sufficiently pursue the accusations and seek punishments when warranted. Others spoke of gag orders, confidential mediations where women sat across from their attackers and feelings of being revictimized at the institutions they thought would help them.

“I was too young, still in too much shock and too emotionally gone to make decisions on my own,” said a woman who, as a freshman, reported a rape in 2001. “I needed an adult I trusted. The school did not provide such a person.”

Many said administrators appeared more concerned with protecting their employer, or the school’s reputation, than they were with protecting students. A number of women ended up leaving their universities. One student in the investigative series was written about posthumously, after killing herself.

Part of the problem stems from ignorance, said S. Daniel Carter, the director of public policy for Security on Campus, a national organization committed to advancing safety for students.

For one, he said acquaintance rapes, which dominate campus assaults, are often wrongly dismissed as “misunderstandings.” And lack of coordination when it comes to responses isn’t helped by the fact that too few school officials are trained to understand the impact of sexual assaults.

I was too young, still in too much shock and too emotionally gone to make decisions on my own. I needed an adult I trusted.
–Student rape victim, 2001

“People are going to do the best they can, but they only have limited knowledge based on their profession,” said Connie Kirkland of George Mason University in Virginia, a school that’s emerged as a model for others.

Kirkland, the school’s director of sexual assault services, has held this position since the office was established in 1993, making it among the first of its kind. She said the university jumped to action soon after then-Gov. Douglas Wilder issued in 1992 recommendations regarding campus sexual assaults. And while other Virginia schools made efforts early on, Kirkland said that when Wilder left office in 1994, most schools folded their programs.

Meantime, budgetary woes at schools across the country mean the programs that do exist often come and go, she added.

Kirkland said nothing serves victims better than having a clear point of contact on campus, an office and professionals who are trained — and can train others — to understand all aspects of these sexual assault crimes, including legal options, the psychological toll and health concerns.

A compassionate and well-meaning professor, administrator or residential adviser, for example, may listen, but they can’t be expected to provide full-fledged therapy or tell a student what it means to file a police report or go to court, she said. And a therapist can’t offer legal navigation any better than a law enforcement officer can be responsible for emotional processing.

I wish I’d been less trusting of my surroundings. … In college, you feel as if you are invincible.
–Sexually assaulted student, 2007

CNN reached out to women who spoke out about their rapes in college to find out what they would have done differently if they’d known then what they know now. In general practice, CNN does not name sexual assault victims, but here, in their own words, is advice from these women:

Feeling invincible, an age of denial and disbelief

“I wish I’d been less trusting of my surroundings,” said a woman who said she was assaulted as a sophomore in 2007. “In college, you feel as if you are invincible, when in reality, trouble could be hiding behind the façade of a casual get-together or a party where you feel completely safe. Always keep control of yourself and your surroundings, and keep a close eye out for your friends as well.

“And if you are a friend of a person who has been assaulted, all I can say is that though it might be hard, please listen and support that person,” continued the former student, who said she was “met with a response that I never expected — laughter and disbelief. Because of that, I kept silent until my attacker assaulted a friend of mine almost a year later.”

Said another rape victim: “Do not binge drink or leave drinks unattended.”

Reaching out elsewhere, protecting your interests

“I wish I’d told my parents sooner,” said a woman who reported a campus rape that happened in her dorm room in 2003. “My parents now know about it, but when it initially happened, they did not. I was just so ashamed.

“You’re too inhibited to make rational decisions, to understand emotionally what’s going on,” she added. “Whether it’s outside counsel, law enforcement, a friend or a parent, do not rely on the university to serve your best interests. And don’t sign anything.”

Seeking out professionals who understand

It is important to know all of your options after you are assaulted so you can choose how to overcome this.
–College gang-rape victim, 2001

"Get help from a professional as soon as possible. I spoke with a counselor at Victim's Assistance a few days after my assault, and that was crucial in helping me overcome this. There are a lot of different emotions after you are assaulted, and speaking with someone who really understands sexual assault is imperative," said a woman who reported a gang rape by athletes in 2001 when she was a sophomore.

Furthermore, she said, "Family members and friends are also victims when this happens to someone they care about. The technical term is 'secondary survivors.' Sometimes it is difficult for them to deal with their own emotions and still be supportive to the primary survivor. Secondary survivors should not be afraid to get professional help, or to speak with a counselor about their own feelings. That way, they are not projecting their emotions onto the primary survivor. Seeking professional help also gives you options, and it is important to know all of your options after you are assaulted so you can choose how to overcome this."

Secrecy clouds picture of sexual assault at Colleges & Universities

By Melissa Ludwig – Express-News

When Marisa was raped during her freshman year at Trinity University by a fellow student at an off-campus house, she hesitated before telling university officials. Dean of Students David Tuttle, then a stranger, was about the last person on earth she wanted to confide in.

But a friend made her do it, and her disclosure led to a conduct hearing in which the student was found responsible and suspended from campus. He withdrew from school, allowing Marisa to reclaim her life at Trinity.

It is the general policy of the San Antonio Express-News to not identify sexual assault victims. In this case, Marisa agreed to be identified by her first name.

“I felt validated by it, and I felt like I received justice,” Marisa, now a senior at Trinity, said of the outcome. “I feel like that is such a rare feeling in sexual assault cases.”

Statistics attest to that rarity.

According to a report released this month by the Center for Public Integrity, a nonprofit investigative journalism organization based in Washington, D.C., students often encounter a “depressing litany of barriers” to justice, with university officials more interested in keeping things quiet than in helping victims.

The report also cited spotty reporting of sexual assault statistics, rendering public data almost meaningless.

“What we found overall is very troubling,” said Bill Buzenberg, the center’s director. “It exposed a heavy blanket of secrecy around sexual assault.”

In a nine-month investigation, the Center interviewed 48 experts on the college disciplinary process, reviewed 10 years worth of complaints filed with the U.S. Education Department, surveyed 152 crisis services programs and clinics, and interviewed 33 women who reported being sexually assaulted by other students.

In cases in which students did not file a criminal case or local law enforcement declined to prosecute, victims sought justice through university judicial proceedings.

Those included off-the-record negotiations with administrators and closed hearings in which victims were sworn to secrecy, the report found. Rarely did they end in substantial punishment for the accused.

Locally, campus officials agreed with many of the report’s findings. But they rebutted the notion that university officials care more about keeping things hush-hush than about the welfare of victims.

“These are really, really, really hard cases,” said Gage Paine, vice president for students affairs at the University of Texas at San Antonio. “In my experience over the years, almost always there are two people in the room and nobody else. It is one person’s version versus the other person’s version. One or the other or both have been drinking, recollections are not clear, and it is really hard to find truth in those situations. I have yet to see a case where everybody walked out satisfied.”

Spotty statistics

To look at the numbers, it would appear that rapes almost never happen at local colleges.

Five San Antonio universities with a combined enrollment of more than 45,000 reported just 18 sexual assaults in the past three years, according to data posted under the Clery Act, a law requiring universities to report crime statistics on campus.

But experts say underreporting and differing interpretations of the law result in numbers that can’t be trusted.

UTSA reported four sexual assaults in the past three years. But Elizabeth StanczakÖ, UTSA’s director of counseling and health services, said she handles between two and six cases per month.

Technically, Stanczak is exempt from reporting because she is a licensed counselor. But she said she forwards every case to UTSA police, sharing what information she legally can, and Chief Dan Pena says his agency reports qualifying cases.

But the Clery Act covers only assaults that occur in campus housing or in public places on or near campus. At UTSA, the bulk of students live in private apartment complexes surrounding the university. About 3,700 of the university’s 29,000 students live on campus.

Texas State University in San Marcos reported nine sexual assaults in 2008, the highest of the six universities. University police said seven of the cases were linked to one man caught fondling random women and pulling down their pants.

The real picture of campus safety is not in Clery numbers, and parents know it, said Kathy Sisoian, vice president for student development at St. Mary’s University.

“As a parent of college-aged children, I get my own sense of the environment by visiting,” Sisoian said. “I have never heard anyone talk about Clery who doesn’t work in higher education.”

Parents may be more interested in hearing how university officials react to reports of sexual assault, Sisoian said, and whether or not the university educates students about date rape and other forms of sexual assault.

Officials at most local universities say they do address prevention, typically during freshman orientation, using guest speakers or skits.

When a student reports a sexual assault, officials say they react with compassion.

The first step is directing students to police to file a report, then to the hospital for a rape kit, an exam that preserves physical evidence. The student is offered a victim’s advocate, which could be a university staff member, a parent or a trained professional from the Rape Crisis Center. At some point, the university lays out options for seeking justice. Some students choose to press criminal charges, others request a university hearing. Some do neither.

Empowering the victims to make their own decisions is paramount, officials and counselors said.

At times, “we have had to fight the perception that (university officials) want to sweep things under the rug and we don’t support victims,” Trinity’s Tuttle said. “But we very much take a stand that we don’t push a complaint forward unless the (victim) wants to push it forward.”

Closed doors

Despite good intentions, many victims walk away from the university judicial process feeling betrayed, according to the Center report. It cited examples of what some deem bad university practices: gag orders, mediations and secret hearings.

When Mallory Shear-Heyman was raped in a campus dorm at Bucknell University in Pennsylvania, she claims university officials pushed her toward mediation, a confidential negotiation between victim and attacker, facilitated by university officials.

With no outside advocate to help weigh the options, Shear-Heyman agreed.

The student ended up apologizing, but because Shear-Heyman had signed a confidentiality waiver, she could not use the confession to pursue a criminal case.

“Generally speaking, mediation was a horrible experience, one in which I was misled and given different answers,” said Shear-Heyman. “It left me five years later unable to pursue any sort of justice.”

Experts call mediation in rape cases a bad idea because it carries no threat of punishment. And the Education Department prohibits schools from issuing gag orders.

Locally, university officials say they do not issue gag orders. Trinity has done mediations in the past, but Tuttle said he is “not a fan.”

Still, secrecy prevails because disciplinary hearings are generally closed to the public and documents requested under open records laws would either be withheld or heavily redacted. Private schools are not subject to open records laws.

According to victim advocates, the secrecy makes it too easy for the university to act in its own interests.

“Who is the university advocating for, the victim or the perpetrator? They have them both on the same campus,” said Lynn Blanco, president of the Rape Crisis Center. “If you have closed doors, you don’t have that check and balance system.”

Local officials say federal privacy laws bar them from holding public student conduct hearings, but at some schools parties can request an open hearing or invite supporters and witnesses.

And yes, officials must often strike a neutral pose, affording the accused the benefit of the doubt.

That’s why it’s crucial to involve an advocate for the victim, Blanco said, someone whose role is to believe the victim and help them weigh options.

But even that doesn’t guarantee a good outcome, Tuttle said.

“For the victims, they just want their dignity back and want the other person to know what they did was wrong. The university system is set up for that to happen,” Tuttle said. “But if the (accused) is not found responsible, it can be a disaster.”

A slap on the wrist

In Marisa’s case, she said the rape occurred in 2007 at an off-campus party, where she was keeping an eye on an intoxicated friend. She was alone at some point, and a soccer player and fraternity member she knew pushed her into a small room.

The next day, Marisa went to the hospital for a rape kit and was questioned by two police officers. The Bexar County district attorney’s office asked her to prosecute.

“I guess I am really naive or really optimistic about people, but I wanted to give him the chance to be a better person ….. and not have to go his whole life and have to register as a sex offender,” Marisa said.

But she did pursue a university hearing. Until then, the harshest punishment meted out in recent memory was a one-semester suspension. She made it clear that wasn’t good enough.

“I feel like a one (semester) suspension for rape is a slap on the wrist, like ‘Don’t get caught next time,’.” Marisa said. “I have wanted to go to Trinity since I was in junior high. The place I had been looking forward to my whole life ….. came crashing down at the end of my first year.”

At Trinity, students are allowed to invite one supporter, typically a parent or attorney, to the hearing. A panel of two professors and one student render a verdict.

In Marisa’s case, they found the student responsible and issued a two-year suspension.

Rather than risk an appeal, Tuttle allowed him to withdraw from Trinity with the caveat that Tuttle would have to reveal the student’s disciplinary record if asked. No one ever asked.

“That’s kind of disappointing,” Marisa said. But Overall, pursuing the hearing was worth the risk, Marisa said. Marisa said of the process and outcome: “I was very proud that I had set the bar higher for girls in the future.”

Tell Choice Hotels to Prevent Child Prostitution on Their Watch

Right now, children are falling prey to sex trafficking in American-owned hotels all over the world, and even right here at home. Just last month, 5-year-old Shaniya Davis was last seen alive at a Comfort Inn in North Carolina. Companies like Choice Hotels, the parent company of the Comfort Inn where Shaniya was last seen alive, have the power to help prevent this kind of tragedy. Send a letter to Choice Hotels asking them to prevent child prostitution here.

Choice Hotels can help prevent child prostitution with one simple action: signing the ECPAT Code of Conduct (www.thecode.org). More than 900 companies around the world (very few of them from the U.S.) have been willing to take this simple, effective action. By refusing to commit to eradicating child sex trafficking, American-owned hotels are signaling their indifference to the plight of children.

Beginning in 2004, the child protection-focused nonprofit ECPAT-USA has asked major U.S.-based hotel chains to sign the Code of Conduct. Carlson Companies — owners of Radisson, Country Inn & Suites, and others — proudly declared their commitment to protecting children. A few others made some positive steps, but ultimately failed to embrace the full range of actions they can and should take. According to Amanda Kloer, Choice Hotels has not returned correspondence regarding the recent tragedy at one of their hotels or outlined the steps they intend to take to prevent what happened to Shaniya from happening to other girls. Why won’t Choice Hotels prevent child prostitution?

The most shocking thing about the pimping of Shaniya Davis for sex at a North Carolina Choice Hotels property is that this is not the first child prostitution scandal the brand has faced. Earlier this year, a 14-year-old girl was reported to have been forced into prostitution at a Quality Inn in Ontario, also owned by Choice. In Pittsburg, law enforcement agents caught one man trying to buy sex with a 10-year-old girl in the parking lot of another Quality Inn. Given these troublesome incidents, you would think Choice Hotels would want to address this problem before it grows. How many more children must be sold on their properties before they take action?

You can take action to prevent child prostitution by sending a letter to Choice Hotels CEO Steve Joyce, telling him to sign the ECPAT Code of Conduct and commit to preventing child sex tourism in Choice Hotel hotels.

The ECPAT Code of Conduct for the Protection of Children From Sexual Exploitation in Travel and Tourism.

Under this voluntary Code, a company agrees to:

1. Establish an ethical policy regarding commercial sexual exploitation of children

2. Train the personnel in the country of origin and travel destinations.

3. Introduce a clause in contracts with suppliers, stating the common repudiation of commercial sexual exploitation of children.

4. Provide information to travelers by means of catalogues, brochures, in-flight films, ticketslips, web-sites, etc.

5. Provide information to local ”key persons” at the destinations.

6. Report annually.

Together, we can end child prostitution.

Link to Petition on Change.org - http://bit.ly/7JbXKX

MTV launches “A THIN LINE” initiative to decrease spread of digital abuse

Love is respect.org is so excited to announce that their live chat function will be featured as a direct link on MTV’swebsite. This will occur as part of MTV’s “A THIN LINE.” This initiative seeks to empower youth to identify, respond to and stop the spread of digital abuse. Digital abuse refers to behaviors such as sexting, cyber-bullying and digital dating abuse. According to a study released by MTV and the Associated Press, 50 percent of 14-24 year olds have been the target of some form of digital abuse, and 3 in 10 have engaged in “sexting.” If you haven’t experienced this abuse yourself, there is a good chance one of your close friends has.

MTV’s “A THIN LINE” will be putting out a lot of on-air specials, PSAs and a lot of cool online and mobile tools. We are proud to partner with MTV on this initiative with other digital abuse experts including Facebook, the Family Violence Prevention Fund, Liz Claiborne, Inc., DoSomething.org and more. Their website has really fun features including an interactive quiz, a “Redraw the Line Challenge” and great resources, so be sure to check out ATHINLINE.org!

Shaniya Davis - SBI to probe possible DSS cover-up in girl's death

Fayetteville, N.C. — Cumberland County District Attorney Ed Grannis and Fayetteville Police Chief Tom Bergamine have asked the State Bureau of Investigation to look into whether social workers have turned over all of their records in the death of 5-year-old Shaniya Nicole Davis.

The girl was reported missing from her Fayetteville home on Nov. 10. Her body was found in a patch of kudzu off a rural road near the Lee-Harnett County line six days later.

She died of asphyxiation, according to preliminary autopsy results.

Mario Andrette McNeill, 29, of 2613 Pine Springs Drive, has been charged with first-degree murder, first-degree rape of a child and first-degree kidnapping in the case. Police have characterized him as a family acquaintance.

Shaniya's mother, Antoinette Nicole Davis, 25, has been charged with human trafficking, felony child abuse–prostitution, filing a false police report and obstructing a police investigation. Arrest warrants state that Davis "did knowingly provide Shaniya with the intent that she be held in sexual servitude" and "did permit an act of prostitution with Shaniya."

McNeill and Antoinette Davis are being held in state prisons in Raleigh for their own protection, authorities said.

The Cumberland County Department of Social Services previously looked at Davis with regard to her 7-year-old son, not Shaniya, according to her uncle, Michael Davis. The case was closed, and Antoinette Davis was able to retain custody of the boy, her uncle said.

DSS Director Brenda Jackson has previously declined to comment on the agency's involvement with the Davis family, citing the investigation into Shaniya's death as well as confidentiality rules for child welfare cases.

Grannis sent a letter Friday to Cumberland County Manager James Martin to notify him that he and Bergamine have requested an SBI investigation of DSS.

"Chief Bergamine has requested the SBI's assistance to determine if Fayetteville police have received complete and accurate records from Cumberland County DSS regarding this case," Grannis wrote. "Based upon the information provided to me and my senior staff by the Fayetteville Police Department concerning these issues, I share their concern, and I have requested the assistance of the SBI to assist us in this regard."

In a statement released by Cumberland County spokeswoman Sally Shutt, Jackson said she would ensure that her office cooperates with authorities to resolve the matter.

Neither Jackson nor Grannis returned phone calls Monday seeking further comment.

Shaniya's father, Bradley Lockhart, declined to comment. The girl lived with him and his sister until early October, when he allowed her to go live with Antoinette Davis.

Authorities with the state Child Fatality Task Force already are looking into any DSS contact with the Davis family. The task force studies all child deaths in North Carolina to make recommendations to legislators on changes to state laws and administrative polices to prevent future deaths.

Love is Respect Project

Schools around the country are doing great things in an effort to bring awareness to teen dating abuse and promote healthy dating habits. Stacey Tanner’s ninth grade Personal and Family Development classes in Perrytown, TX have adopted “The Love is Respect Project” with help from resources they received from loveisrespect. They have distributed wallet cards describing warning signs of an abusive relationship to students throughout the high school as well as placing loveisrespect posters around the school. The students are even taking the project a step further, by competing at the state and possibly national level. Kudos to Stacey Tanner’s classes for doing such great work for teen dating abuse awareness! Click here to check out the pdf of a newspaper article on the class’ efforts. Plus we have more pics after the jump.

Denny Griffin and Anny Jacoby with guest, Ben Atherton-Zeman on BlogTalkRadio

BLOG TALK RADIO -
DENNY GRIFFIN


On Wednesday, December 9, we’ll be talking about domestic violence with Ben Atherton-Zeman. Ben is a spokesman for the National Organization For Men Against Sexism. (www.nomas.org). Ben also performs a multi-media play dealing with sexual assault and domestic violence, titled Voices of Men. My co-host for tonight’s show is Anny Jacoby of The REALISTIC Female Self-Defense Company.

You can catch the show beginning at 9 pm Eastern at www.blogtalkradio.com/dennisngriffin.

Men Against Violence, Stop It Before It Starts

loveisrespect on CBS News

From loveisrespect.org

December 4, 2009

Not sure if you caught us on the news last night but CBS Evening News with Katie Couric paid a visit to loveisrespect for its coverage of escalating violence in teen relationships. The news crew observed the peer advocates at work as they answered staged chats and calls to get a better glimpse at how everything works. Teen dating violence is a huge issue and loveisrespect has seen a 600 percent increase in calls and chats since 2007.

Technology is a big factor in all of this. There are so many new and different methods being used in abusive relationships such as texting, email and social networking sites like Facebook. Sheryl Cates, CEO of the National Domestic Violence Hotline and loveisrespect spoke with the CBS crew and mentioned how technology has changed the dynamics of the abuse we are seeing. Check out the full story here or click here to watch the video.

How Safe Are You?

How many times have we heard someone (possibly ourselves) ask, "Why do I have to learn about safety? I've heard or read about females being more safe." If you have learned about personal safety many still allow themselves to get lazy; if you haven't had the opportunity to learn, well it's time to make the time to listen and learn.

According to Justice Department reports, many of us will be victims of violent crimes, and almost all of us will be the victim of theft or at least once in our lifetime. The odds may be stacked against us, but there are things that we can do to protect ourselves, our families and our property, making us less likely to be prey to the often opportunistic and cunning thug.

No matter how prepared we we are, bad things can still happen. Recently a female was reminded of this the hard way. After leaving her car in a well-lit parking lot, with security guards patrolling, she returned to find the passenger window busted in. A lot of things were stolen. She felt like she had been kicked in the gut - violated. Sure, she heard about this happening to other people, but this kind is the kind of thing that "won't happen to me".

Looking back, she often wonders about other situations that she might have put herself into without realizing it. What if someone was still in the car? She didn't look that closely when she was approaching the car.

What if the thief had a gun?

The victimization (abduction, rape, sexual assault, robbery, etc.) could have been so much worse. Is it so difficult to just be a little bit more careful?

Whatever your daily routine, it is just that - routine. Be definition, this means you are performing through habit without much thought, and that's where problems can arise. Criminals prefer easy targets, and if your mind is wandering, it's not likely that you'll notice an assailant approaching until it's too late. Here are some things to keep in mind while going about your day and especially during the Holidays.

Out and about:

• Stay alert. Wherever you are -- on the street, in your car, in the mall -- be aware of your surroundings. (Keeping your head on a swivel isn't just for the flight deck.) Send a message that you're calm, confident and know where you're going.
• Trust your instincts! Don't worry about being polite or hurting someone's feelings if you feel threatened. If someone or something make you feel uneasy, avoid the person or leave the area.
• Get to know the neighborhoods where you live and work. Make mental notes of police stations, hospitals and other areas to go in case of an emergency.
• Stick to well-traveled, well-lit streets. Avoid shortcuts through wooded areas, parking lots or alleys. Walk close to the curb and away from alleys, doorways, etc.
• Keep valuables close. Carry your purse close to your body. Put your wallet in an inside coat or front pants pocket, not a back pocket.
• Don't wear shoes or items of clothing that restrict your movements.
• Take the elevator of the stairs, and stand at the back of the elevator so that you can see everything that is happening around you at all times - you are more prepared to react knowing your surroundings. If you someone gets on who makes you feel uncomfortable (gut instinct), get off.
• If you think someone is following you, switch direction or cross the street. Walk toward an open store, restaurant or lighted house. If you're scared, yell, "Fire!" People respond better to calls of fire than yells for help. And, ultimately if you are trained in personal safety, turn around and in a stern voice ask, "Are you following me?" Confront the assailant or suspicious person twenty feet behind you rather than two feet.
• Always keep your distance. Be ware of anyone who asks for directions or assistance.
• Avoid overburdening yourself with packages. Females feel that they can make it in one trip and neither hand/arm is free to ward off an assailant. Always have one arm free at all times. If you have a lot to bring with you, make several trips or ask for help from the security guard, grocery store attendant, family member.
• If you are working late, make sure that there are others in the building. Ask someone you trust to walk you to your car or bus stop.
• Never secure your office alone. If you must secure the office at the end of the day, have a partner or a security person with you to get you safely to your car.
• Have you keys in hand before you reach the door of your house or car.

Driving:

• Avoid driving alone at night.
• Get a cell phone, keep it charged and keep in handy (preferably in case on your person/clothing).
• Keep your car in good running order. Make sure that you have enough gas to get where you are going and back.
• If your car does break down, lock your doors and call for help. If a stranger offers help, stay in the car and keep it locked! Tell them they can help by calling for assistance if you haven't already done it yourself.
• Don't stop to help a stranger whose car is broken down. Help instead by call the police and reporting the situation.
• Avoid parking next to van, trucks with camper shells, or cars with tinted windows.
• Before getting into your car in a parking lot or garage, look around. If there's a van parked next to you, get into your car from the opposite side. Do the same if someone's sitting in the care next to yours and it makes you feel uneasy (gut instincts/intuition).
• Remember where you park so you are not wandering around the parking lot.
• When getting out of the car, always roll up the windows and lock the doors, even if you are coming right back.
• Avoid parking in isolated areas. Be especially alert in lots and underground parking garages.
• When stopped at traffic lights, keep the car in gear so you can take off if someone tries to get into your car.
• If you think you're being followed, don't head home. Drive to the nearest police station, fire station or an open business and get help.
• Be cautious when using highway rest areas. If it's desolate, drive on to the next rest stop or gas station if at all possible.
• Never leave valuables in plan view. Put them in the trunk or out of sight.
• Try to park in a garage with an attendant. Leave only the valet your ignition key, with no identification in the glove compartment, etc. This is also true for car repairs - leave the ignition key only!
• Plan ahead. When making long trips allow ample time to reach your destination. Let someone know of your departure time and expected arrival time.
• Don't hitchike. Never pick up strangers or hitchhikers.

At the Automated Teller Machine (ATM):

• Use ATM machines in the daytime (half of the ATM crimes happen between 7 p.m. and midnight). Have your card in hand so that you don't have to take out your wallet, and don't set your wallet down.
• If at all possible use the ATM machines that you can access by driving up to rather than those that you walk up to/into.
• If you notice while using the ATM that someone or others have approached, (follow your gut!) hit the cancel button and make a scene (while removing your card) to the effect that you can't believe that he/she took all of your damn money! Go ballistic while walking away - causing a scene indicates that you are already pissed off and that you don't have any money anyway. Get your car immediately, get inside and LOCK THE DOORS! Immediately leave!

Related articles by Zemanta

• Seattle Police offer holiday tips (westseattleherald.com)
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• How To Protect Yourself From Carjacking (howcast.com)