"IN YOUR DREAMS!"

Cindy was sitting next to a man while riding the city bus, he started to ask her questions. She responded politely but got up and moved to another seat when he tried to place his hand on her knee. When she sat down in another seat, he followed her but remained standing closely behind her. At her stop, she got off, making sure to stay close to other people. She looked for the man but did not see him get off of the bus nor in the crowd. As soon as she turned at the next corner and was on her own again, the man from the bus grabbed her. She immediately screamed, "GET OFF OF ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!" He turned and ran away. Cindy participated in our Personal Safety Training three weeks before this attempted assault.

Assertive verbal self-defense effectively changes the dynamics of an attempted assault in a female's favor. This woman took the power away from the assailant by standing up for herself. So let's look at this phase, "testing phase".

The "testing phase" of an attack usually involves some kind of verbal communication. There are two different types of verbal self-defense in response to a threat. The most common is "assertive verbal self-defense". Assertive self-defense is used when the assailant is unarmed or does not have physical control of you to the extent that fighting back would cause you greater injury. Verbal self-defense is an extension of your body language; you verbally communicate that you REFUSE to be seen as a victim. Second, cooperative verbal self-defense is used when the assailant has a weapon or is holding you in a way that makes it useless to fight back "at the moment". You must be alert and use your senses to look for your "window of opportunity"; when an assailant relaxes so that he feels in control. You may use cooperative verbal self-defense to trick the assailant. An example of cooperative verbal self-defense is, "I'll do whatever you want, but please let go of me." When he lets up, this is your opportunity to escape or physically fight back.

In any kind of assault the attacker wants three things:

• Property
• Body
• Life

He doesn't want:

• To Get Caught
• To Get Hurt
• For the assault to take too long

In a sexual assault, the assault has two objectives. First, he must control you so that he can sexually assault you. Second, he gauges your strength by observing your response to his harassment or threats. If the assailant is unarmed, verbally threatens you, and sees you are weak during this phase, he can be fairly confident that he can continue the assault with little resistance.

Verbal self-defense is used in all types of sexual assaults, whether by an acquaintance, a date or a stranger. Your goal is to match the conflict level with a strategy and a tone of voice. Listen to what the attacker is saying and how he is saying it. Ask yourself how violent you think this person is. For example, you are walking down the street and a man says, "You're so cute, wanna come home with me?" Most likely, you have met with this before and you walked away annoyed but safe. You already have these coping skills. You want to avoid a fight if at all possible. Walking away is an appropriate response. He has not touched you and he could be harmless. But if this person comes closer to you or continues the verbal harassment you must change your strategy and clearly communicate your intentions. Look him in the eyes and slowly, confidently say, "Leave me alone," "I don't want any trouble; your problems have nothing to do with me," or "Get away from me." Do not mumble or use a pleading tone. Command him to leave you alone.

Bringing Personal Safety Training to your community is imperative in today's society. Training that you, loved ones and friends will have for the rest of your lives.



Take care and STAY SAFE!
Anny Jacoby
A Success Survivor
"Raising female awareness and skills to reduce susceptibility in response to violence."
www.annyjacoby.com
www.realisticfemaleselfdefense.com


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Moving Out, Moving On; authored by Susan Murphy-Milano will guide you through the necessary steps of ending a relationship safely.
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